


International Love

by foulzombie



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Youtube RPF
Genre: Crack, F/M, I'm Sorry, dalel, i guess, i'm ashamed tho, no i'm not, this is un-beta'd so it's probably gross and full of typos, warning: het sex, what the frick is her name anyway christ, yes i named this after a pitbull song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 19:44:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3180863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foulzombie/pseuds/foulzombie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What do you want?"</p>
<p>Dan's biting his lip before he replies, "Fuck me."</p>
<p>The look she sends him does dangerous things to his body.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>(or: The Dalel fic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	International Love

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Based on real life people but never happened (I'd like to thank not only god but jesus). Everything in this story is fiction.

Dan walks off stage with the rest of the panel, unbelievably tired--not only from the jetlag, but from the relentless questions on Phil's absence.

_"A family member's deathly sick."_

The generic response--although true. The real reason lied within the walls of their shared apartment, where countless fights and a painfully easy breakup hid. Dan wanted to keep the relationship private, whilst Phil wanted to publicise it. Simple.

It didn't make walking around Los Angeles by himself any easier, however. The minibar in his hotel suite had been restocked every single day and his camera and macbook remained untouched. Dan already yelled at most of his friends, demanding solitude and bottles of vodka whilst he mourned the relationship.

With Phil gone, Dan feels sad and lonely, in the way where his sex life has diminished and he just wants to shove anything up his ass to feel _something_ , god damn it.

Dan circles around the building, hunting down food. It didn't take long, and he soon found himself in front of a table full of teeth-rotting treats and an untouched platter of vegetables and dip. What the fuck, seriously.

So he loads himself a plate of chocolate-covered-chocolate and cupcakes with thick icing, sliding on a few cookies somewhere too. He reminds himself that he is going through a breakup, so excessive junk is definitely allowed. He wishes there was ice cream to fulfil the cliche.

He's standing in the corner, demolishing his plate when she walks in. It's almost kind of weird, in a way, seeing her alone and without his American doppelganger Anthony, vlogging camera in hand. It's no surprise when Kalel loads a small plate with the healthy choices on display.

"Hey Dan," she says, at the exact moment when Dan's mouth is full of red velvet cake and icing.

"Er, hi."

"How's Phil?"

He shrugs. Probably clearing his shit from their apartment, or maybe clearing Dan's.

"How're you?"

Kalel's closer now, standing beside him and yeah, he forgot and tiny she is. The short-shorts make her look taller, almost.

"Fine," he replies before shoving an entire cookie in his mouth so he doesn't have to reply for a bit.

"Are you?" She asks, suddenly _way too clos_ e and oh god is that her hand brushing his arm? "You're not lonely?"

Dan's mind reels in confusion. Because he's aware this is Kalel, ex-fiancee of his friend but his dick is aware of how hot she is and how it's been neglected as of late. Dan sucks in a breath.

"I'm lonely," she says, her hand wondering across Dan's shoulders (her arm is fully above her head in order to reach, christ) and down his back, lower and lower and _lower_ and Dan's surprised at how much it isn't bothering him.

"What are you suggesting?"

"Whatever you want," she says lowly.

And Dan wants, he really does. He's ashamed of how his body is responding and he's ashamed at his mind as well, for even wanting to, because what the fuck. The thing is, however, Dan isn't looking for a simple fuck. He wants a dick inside him, driving him into the fucking floor and stretching him deliciously. Dan voices this to Kalel. 

"That can be arranged."

And then they're gone, plates thrown into bins and bodies pressed a little too closely as they raced down the halls of the building. It was a labyrinth of hallways and hiding in closets whilst trying to escape unseen. In the end, they needed security in order to leave via an underground tunnel but they managed, even if people were suspicious.

It takes too long to reach Kalel's car and even longer to reach the hotel (When Dan asks why she's staying at a hotel when she lives here, she just laughs and says it's because it's closer).

When they're safely secluded in the lift, Kalel is pressing Dan against the wall, hands freely roaming his chest and body squished against Kal's.

"What do you want?" She asks, hands lowering until they're pressing against the front of his jeans, groping his dick through the denim.

Dan smacks his head against the wall. It's fast, Kalel leaving no time and he's hard and throbbing by the time the lift stops.

They're holding hands and running--albeit a bit awkward for Dan--and then Kalel is opening the door and pulling him inside.

"You didn't answer," she says, pushing Dan backwards towards the bed before stepping back and walking to her giant suitcase. "What do you want?"

Dan's biting his lip before he replies, "Fuck me."

The look she sends him does dangerous things to his body.

Kalel rummages around in her suitcase until she pulls out a fluffy pink bag. "Here," she hands Dan a large bottle of lube, complete with a large sticker proclaiming it was "100% Vegan". Well at least she's prepared.

He's a little nervous, if he was honest with himself.

"I haven't been with a girl in years, christ." Dan realizes how sad that sounds after and cringes so hard he thinks he might pop a vertebrae in his spine. "I mean--with, I um… Celibacy."

Kalel gives him a look that means _I'm not stupid the entire world knows about your goddamn boyfriend your excuse is so lame Jesus Christ._

Dan viciously rubs his eyes with his hands instead of attempting to come up with a better excuse.

"Dan!" He hears Kalel snap--literally--and when he lowers his hands he's greeted with her half-naked body, tank top and shorts on the floor by her feet. Dan's suddenly terrified. It's not like he hasn't seen tits, but under these circumstances with someone who was engaged to a friend, it felt a little odd. What a weird time to have second thoughts.

"Bed, clothes, off," she says as she rummages around the fluffy bag.

So Dan strips. He tosses his clothes onto the floor as quick as possible, which wasn't fast enough because Kalel eventually shoves him onto the bed and physically removes the tight jeans off his body herself.

That's when Dan notices the bright pink dildo on the bed.

It's small (a huge downgrade from Phil, to be honest) and slick, probably a travelling size or something, with the vegan lube set nicely beside it. Dan's nervous again, like he was losing his virginity all over again. He didn't even know if Kalel had ever gone prostate probing before.

All thoughts are erased from his mind when Kalel is suddenly there, crawling towards him on the bed like Nicki in the Anaconda video (at least she wasn't laughing like a hyena) and Dan remembers yeah, right, tits and naked girls are cool too, awesome, because his dick seems very interested in her tanned skin and toned body.

There's lips pressing against his neck, leaving soft kisses whilst hands roam his body and he fights to keep his eyes open. Closed eyelids meant seeing Phil in his mind and thinking of their last time and it definitely was not the moment for crying hysterically.

He feels a small hand wrap around his dick and he groans lowly, the grip soft and teasing yet enough to get him _harder_ , what the fuck. It's embarrassing how quickly it happens. He blames the lack of sex life he's had recently.

She's stroking and Dan's groaning and then suddenly her mouth is on his cock and he whines, fucking whines because it's hot and wet and she's doing things with her tongue, jesus.

Suddenly her mouth is gone and Dan wants to cry. He looks down his body and she's staring at him wickedly.

"Please," Dan whines, thighs shaking. He lifts his arms, gripping the headboard tightly.

With a wicked grin, Kalel sucks the tip of the vibrator into her mouth. "I don't think you're begging enough for me, Danny boy."

Dan watches her play with his toy. He can practically feel it inside of him, pulsating against his prostate and driving him insane. "Kal, fuck me," he groans, biting his lip as he thrusts his hips into the air. "Please. _Pleasepleasepleaseplease_."

"Okay, baby."

With hooded eyes, Dan watches as Kalel slathers the vegan lube onto the vibrator, jacking it slowly and teasingly. His cock aches. She shuffles closer, until her knees are pressed against his arse cheeks and presses it against his hole. Dan moans because shit, he knows it's only a small toy, but he's never been penetrated without prep (He isn't sure that one finger even counts). 

But the burn, the stretch, shit. He grunts because it's too much yet not enough, the pain hitting him quick but a jolt of fuck yeah that's good comes after that and it makes him moan loudly. "Fuck." 

"Yeah?"

Suddenly the pink vibrator is shoved into Dan's ass.

He whimpers, fucking _whimpers_. He's missed this. Phil is far from his mind at this point, his body on autopilot as it fucks itself on the toy that Kalel is purposely keeping still. Her mouth is close to his dick, warm breath ghosting on his sensitive skin and igniting his body with pleasure.

When Kalel sucks the tip of his dick into her mouth, again, Dan has to keep his hips still. It's too much, especially when she turns on the vibrator and angles it right onto his spot, pulsating rapidly inside his body. 

The more his body adjusts, the more Dan is shaking with trying to keep still. It's more of a nice gesture than everything--if he was a complete asshole, he'd be trying to fuck her mouth into oblivion at this point. But he's been on the receiving end of those before, okay, and it's not fun when you're not expecting some monster cock slamming against your face with enough pressure to break a tooth or two.

"Oh shit," he groans out, letting go of the headboard in order to fist the sheets, knuckles white with how hard he's grasping. He wants it to last forever. He wonders, briefly, why Kalel and Anthony broke up because fuck, is she ever the greatest motherfucking cocksucker he's ever come across (pun intended).

Kalel turns up the vibrator at the same moment she presses it firmly against his spot and he's gone, fucking _gone_ , thrusting his hips and whining loud and breathy as he comes down her vegan throat.

Dan wonders if that counts towards breaking veganism. He should google it later.

He ends up asking Kalel whilst he's going down on her (always return the favour, kids!) and he's kind of kicked out promptly after he's done the business. But he's relaxed and chill, with Phil far from his mind so it wasn't a waste in his eyes. With the fresh new contact in his phone, he knows he'll be making impromptu facetime calls in the future. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a joke. Crack fic is crack.


End file.
